Policy & Terms Of Use
Parent Talk

My daughter won’t stand up for herself

My 3 1/2-year-old daughter is very easygoing and generous in nature, which is fine. However, during play I have noticed regularly that other children take the toys she is playing with. She doesn't seem to be able to stand up for herself and take them back. Instead she just cries, forcing someone to intervene. Sometimes I  let the other children take things from her, choosing not to fight all her battles. However, I am concerned that she is just going to become a "pushover." Do you have any suggestions?

Dear Parent,

Your daughter's easygoing nature and lack of aggression is not a weakness. She doesn't need to fight back, but should learn how to resolve conflicts on her own. Your daughter is not helpless. Prepare her ahead of time, by talking about what she can and can't do. Teach her to use her words, when she's upset. When someone takes her toy, she can say "I'm not finished playing." She can offer to share, play together, or take turns without feeling vanquished. Let her work out some conflicts on her own so that your attention doesn't reinforce crying and helplessness. This will prepare her for school, where the teacher can't see everything that goes on or understand why she's crying. As your daughter learns to use words to negotiate, she will develop confidence and self-reliance.

Mrs. Willow
Parent Tree Panel

We hope you enjoy our web site and find useful information here. Please consider our advice a good starting place, and realize the information provided is not intended to substitute for individual or professional counselling.
©2005 ParentTree.com. All Rights Reserved.
Site Development Appalsamy Media&Design