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Does he deserve another chance? 

Me and my boyfriend met about 4 months ago, he was everything I had been waiting for. See I have not been in a meaningful relationship in about 5 years when we met ? I felt in my heart he was the one, he was kind, sweet, giving of his heart, we talked about very intimate things with each other that we had not shared with anyone. About 3 months of seeing each other I found out he was still seeing someone he met before me. I was angry but tried to give him another chance. We took a break and started to speak very nasty to each other and said mean things that we both regret now. We have talked and would like to try again to work on this. He says he loves me and adores me and really is sorry for hurting me, but how do I move pass this, should I trust him again? I feel he is sorry but this is the second time I have been cheated on. We live about 90 miles from each other and are both single parents to boys, so we only see each other on the weekends. I really do care for him but am I settling by giving him another chance, my friends say "once a cheater always a cheater". Since we have talked he has expressed his feelings and that he was afraid because he has not felt this way before. Do I love again or slam the door on him. I do believe we all deserve a second chance , should he have one?

Sincerely AKA


Dear AKA,

Take time to figure out what you really want in a boyfriend and look for those qualities. Wanting to be in a meaningful relationship has made you settle for mediocrity. This is not the man for you because he uses women. Most users would say anything  just to get what they want, yet their actions are more truthful than their words. I can't believe that he used his feelings for you to justify having a sexual relationship with another woman (whom he used as well). "I was afraid" doesn't cut it in my book.  A sincere man would not purposely hurt the one he loves, yet your boyfriend knowing how the first affair hurt you, has another one. How can you be sure he won't cheat again? Can you trust a man who lies, uses women and shows remorse when he's caught. Any relationship built on infidelity and lies is doomed to fail, you'll always wonder if he's coming home. Break away from him emotionally, before you convince yourself to take him back. Don't listen to his words, look at his track record, not just with you but with the other women. You don't need the emotional rollercoaster, forgive him but please move on. This man is not the one you want as a role model for your sons, especially on how to treat women. You deserve to have someone who's faithful, loves you and is committed to the relationship. The right man is out there, be patient and don't settle for less.

Mr. Oak
Parent Tree Panel

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