Parents
of Exceptional Children: Challenge and Triumph!
By Sherron
Grant
"As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked
him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he
was born blind? Neither this man nor his parents sinned,”
said Jesus, “but this happened so that the work of God might
be displayed in his life."
~ John 9:1-3 (NIV
Bible)
When my youngest son was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder,
at the age of 4, I was devastated. I was emotionally distraught.
I went through my conception, pregnancy and delivery over and over
in my mind. “Did I eat something wrong?” “Was
I too active?” “How could this happen to me!”
As I did my research and started to read the long-term prognosis
for children born with this challenge, I felt like my world was
crashing in. The future did not seem so bright any more and I wondered
at times, “Why go on?” “What promise does the
future hold now?” I have an older child who, until this point,
has developed typically and has not presented any challenges outside
of normal child development but now my life focus had narrowed to
a point as if I had only one child.
After a few months of dealing with the grief and shock of this life-altering
news, I began to look outward and sought the words and guidance
of other parents experiencing similar issues in their life.
I started to attend workshops, purchase and read books and journal
articles that ranged from the complex medical and psychological
jargon to first-hand accounts of individuals living with autism.
I now began to see a glimmer of hope. I educated myself not only
about the nature of autism but also about the myths that still surround
this mysterious disability. As I began to navigate my way through
the medical, social and educational system, I became empowered.
I didn’t feel so much the weight of the world on my shoulders
and was now able and willing to reach out to and support others.
It has been 5 years since that significant day and yes; I do feel
stronger and more resilient about facing the years ahead.
How have I reached this point of resolve? There are 5F’s,
a kind of personal philosophy that has helped me get here. I did
not even realize what they were until I volunteered to speak to
a group of future special need workers taking a course at Seneca
College. I would like to share them with you. They are not necessarily
anything revolutionary and likely nothing that you have not heard
before but again, it is always good to take a step back, look at
your life circumstances and assess how you are currently handling
them and how you might improve. These tenets are not only for a
parent/caregiver of a child with Autism Spectrum Disorder but also
for anyone raising a child with extraordinary challenges:
1. Family: If you have an extended family don’t
isolate yourself from them. Yes, they may not understand things
in the beginning but I believe that it is our responsibility, as
the parent to educate them. Copy easy-to-read/understand articles
for them, invite them to workshops, bring your child to family gatherings
and help them to understand your child’s strengths as well
as needs. Most family members want to understand. We just need to
exhibit a “thick skin” to take the criticisms until
the little “light bulb” comes on in their heads.
2. Friends: Same with our friends. It may be a
little easier here because “blood is thicker than water”
and insensitive comments might be taken more personally from a family
member versus a friend. Nevertheless, friends do need to be educated
as well. With that, they may also become babysitting options as
well!
3. Faith: Whatever you may believe, I have found
that many of the families that have remained strong and hopeful,
over time, have been families whose strength lies in their professed
faith. Just knowing that someone or something bigger than the doctors,
school system or even the government is helping you look out for
your child can go a long way in giving you the courage to continue
in a seemingly futile battle.
4. Fun: In the beginning, this was one of the first
things to go. As time went on, I realized that if I did not take
care of myself emotionally, then there was no way that I would have
anything left to give to my kids. Go see a movie whether it is a
real tearjerker or one to give you a good belly laugh. Don’t
forget those girlfriends that you used to go out and have dessert
with or your buddies that you would do a round of golf with on the
weekends. How about a date with your partner? Revolutionary you
say? Believe me, I understand that you may not have the time or
finances to do it as often as before (since all your money is now
going toward intervention for your child) but still do your best
to make it happen. There is funding available from the government
to help pay for babysitting, commonly known has respite help. Other
options relate to the support from family and friends as mentioned
above. You will be amazed at the help that people want to provide
if you will but ask. I have found it beneficial, when my husband
and I go out for a night and leave the kids at home. Everyone has
had a healthy break from one another and is actually excited to
be together again.
5. Fitness: Last but certainly not least take care
of yourself. Our special children will need us to be around a little
longer than our “typically-developing” children. Since
they will not be as independent, it would be counter-productive
to be suffering from failing health at a time when our children
or partner need us most. You don’t need to have a gym membership
to be able to keep yourself in good health. Start with having good
mental and emotional health by developing your faith or finding
ways to relieve stress. Move on to healthy eating. And last but
of extreme importance, exercise! Release those endorphins through
vigorous exercise such as running, swimming or aerobics or through
a calmer exercise routine of a brisk walk, yoga, picking up a Pilates
video or taking in a game of golf. There is something out there
for everyone. Just do something!
I have shared these with you in no particular order. These are just
the factors that have helped and continue to keep me sane and put
a smile on my face when things seem to be at their worst, which
can happen quite often when raising a child with extraordinary challenges.
My hope and prayer is that you will now not feel so alone, isolated
or unique in your circumstances but that you now see that there
is light at the end of the road. It may not make the road any less
bumpy or rough but at least your vehicle will not completely break
down nor prevent you from reaching your eventual destination….
wherever that may be.
I have become a stronger believer in the scripture quoted above.
My son is absolutely a blessing and not a punishment from God. We
have been given the privilege of raising him so that we might become
more of what God wants us to be and knows that we can be not only
for others but for each other as well.
About The Author: Sherron Grant, B.A., B.Ed., is a recent graduate of the Ontario
Institute for Studies in Education at the University of Toronto.
Sherron has been a strong advocate for children with exceptional
needs for the last 5 years including taking an active role on the
Special Education Advisory Committee for the Toronto District School
Board. She plans to pursue her Master of Education degree with a
focus on Special Education Issues. Sherron currently lives in Toronto,
Ontario, Canada with her husband of 14 years and their two children.
For more information visit: http://canada.autismwalk.org/,
http://www.autismsociety.on.ca,
http://www.respiteservices.com
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